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[ website | bluedragonfly.org ]
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so live your life.... [Apr. 14th, 2009|01:50 am]

[Current Location |room]
[mood |determineddetermined]
[music |vanessa carlton]

hey:) i'm new to this community, my name is katie.

i am sixteen and live with my parents. they have basically decided for me to go into iop. i may not have control over going to iop. i may not have control over what i have to eat there. but the ultimate choice to get better is MINE. i WILL NOT break down and eat just because people say i need to, or try to have some control over it. no, this is MY life and if and when i choose to recover it will be on my own terms. 

the guilt, the voices are driving me crazyyy! i haven’t slept in two days, i'm gaining weight. iop is making my life more into a living hell. today someone asked me a question: what if you were very sick & you needed to take this medicine to survive, but the medicine would cause a bad side effect (ex. hives or something) ......why lay around alive when all you can seem to do is suffer? why not die happy? things cannot be caged. this is how i feel, in a cage in the zoo with everyone arguing about the best way to train me. this is no way to live. i need out. i need to make my OWN decisions, my school, job, friends ...i need to decide who I want to be.

this is how i feel: i would rather live with anorexia nervosa than going through hell felling guilty and isolating  my self from eating only to maybe get better.


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newie.! [Oct. 26th, 2008|01:59 pm]
[Current Location |my room]
[mood |excitedexcited]
[music |skillet-the last night]

Hello everyone!=]
well i go by mac 16 years old and here are my stats.



I have been off track lately because it was getting suspicious but am now ready to achieve my goals and don't fail again.
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Period [Nov. 21st, 2007|11:30 pm]
does  anyone have any experiences with losing their period for a long amount of time? please share!
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(no subject) [Mar. 25th, 2007|11:40 pm]

seriously, my friend suggest me to let MOM know this 'secret'
what do u think?
Have to told ur mom or any1 in ur family?
-yes? so is it better or worse?
-no? why not? and do u get better or worse?

i need help. I dont have much time to live with them. Im moving out.
Thx. Im stressful now. pls help! xx
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Purging Trouble [Mar. 18th, 2007|03:02 pm]

Lately I've been having trouble purging. I stick my finger down and wiggle it, and that prompts a few waves, but after that---nothing. I can only get about three rounds per purge. Can anyone help me?
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(no subject) [Feb. 11th, 2007|10:14 pm]

yeah i may sound like a bitch! but im (still) asking for

TIPS to get through on fastting days.

ps: im too fat to eat again!!
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(no subject) [Jan. 27th, 2007|09:32 am]

as iv just read some latest postst here about how they dont want any1 to post about SI,drugs,etc.
so im not sure if this one is ok...well...

I planned to fast since Jan 31st (my 22nd BD) but i got PMS & binged too. so i just couldnt let mysf being that bloated & fat....so i fasted.

Thu 25/01/07
B- Coffee
L- Cig
D- Coffee + Equal
S- Cig
plus- 3Gums

Fri 26/01/07
B- Coffee
L- Diet soda
D- Cig + Diet soda
S- Diet soda + Coffee
plus- 4Gums

today Sat 27/01/07 (09:30 AM)
B- Coffee + 2Gums

Q1: is it ok to have "cafeine" whilst fasting? (coffee, soda, tea)
Q2: my stomach screams sometimes cos i dont eat. its annoying so what can i do?
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2468 [Jan. 14th, 2007|10:10 pm]

I would LOVE to know if any1 here tried 2468 diet?? 
If so, does it work? does it work well? how much do u lose for a cycle? 
Im up to anything right now. I wanna lose weight fast. or Fasting is better?
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Day 1 [Jan. 4th, 2007|07:49 pm]
[mood |blankblank]

So I am finishing up my Day 1 on my fast. It went pretty good today, although I am have strong cravings for food right about now. I think I am going to goto sleep so I am not tempted to eat. All I drank today was 6 cups of water and no food. Only like 20 days to go lol..Well I am going to hit the bed..I am sure I will be updating you soon..Talk to you all later!
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(no subject) [Dec. 21st, 2006|10:09 am]


its COLD here. Just about 20degree here can make my hair really stand up & its also windy!!


wish Id have sth warm rite now...or even a warm hug from someone. :)


my mind is kinda "all or nothing" again -eat (?) or binge (?)


tmr i'll get a day off, recieve TOEIC's result, another driving licence, & may meet up my X bf.

hope i dun look disgusting when i meet him.


have u got poppy lov or bf? *curious* 
Love to ALL!
--------------------------------------------- last post -------------------------------------------------
last nite i got up & felt as if i'd be faint or pass out (if i still kept sleepinging). I tried so hard to sleep but i just couldnt. I was thinking of food, binge at the same time. I can feel my heart rate was pretty low. Its also difficult to breathe.

in the end, i decided to left 2roommates who were sleeping, tiptoed & walked to the shop and got some food (ugh!). I had eaten about 950 cal :'(

I dunno y i felt that way...i use to feel like this when i fast (eat less than 50cal per days for more than 2days)

why why why. I used 2b able 2 only drink water for 3days.. but its diff now.. why?

x x x

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