|so live your life....
||[Apr. 14th, 2009|01:50 am]
hey:) i'm new to this community, my name is katie.
i am sixteen and live with my parents. they have basically decided for me to go into iop. i may not have control over going to iop. i may not have control over what i have to eat there. but the ultimate choice to get better is MINE. i WILL NOT break down and eat just because people say i need to, or try to have some control over it. no, this is MY life and if and when i choose to recover it will be on my own terms.
the guilt, the voices are driving me crazyyy! i haven’t slept in two days, i'm gaining weight. iop is making my life more into a living hell. today someone asked me a question: what if you were very sick & you needed to take this medicine to survive, but the medicine would cause a bad side effect (ex. hives or something) ......why lay around alive when all you can seem to do is suffer? why not die happy? things cannot be caged. this is how i feel, in a cage in the zoo with everyone arguing about the best way to train me. this is no way to live. i need out. i need to make my OWN decisions, my school, job, friends ...i need to decide who I want to be.
this is how i feel: i would rather live with anorexia nervosa than going through hell felling guilty and isolating my self from eating only to maybe get better.